I Can't Believe it's Not Coffee

What are your characters drinking?

It's a hot, caffeinated, brown beverage, but it's definitely not coffee.

Perhaps you're wanting to participate in the storied tradition of making up a ridiculous name for coffee. Using Table 1, roll 4d10, one for each column, to get a name for "coffee" in your setting.

Table 1: Make your own "coffee"

A B C D
1 c a f a
2 ch ah ff ah
3 k aw ph aw
4 kh e v e
5 g eh vh ee
6 gh o f i
7 j oh ff y
8 x u ph ay
9 z uh v ey
10 zh ' vh (none)

Or maybe you'd prefer to swipe a coffee substitute another creator has already used, just to see if anyone notices and asks if you're in continuity with their work. Roll 1d70.

Table 2: Use someone else's "coffee"

1. acorn coffee 19. chvi 37. kave 55. raka
2. akakafi 20. coffeine 38. kavage 56. raktajino
3. bean juice 21. c'phee 39. kefre 57. re-caff
4. bitteralm 22. c'shar 40. kfi 58. shaddi
5. blackmoss tea 23. cvesse' 41. khav 59. sib
6. buzz bean brew 24. fleegix 42. kivay 60. soycaf
7. caf 25. gab 43. klah 61. Starbrew
8. cafa 26. gahveh 44. klava 62. stimcaf
9. caff 27. gav 45. klukol 63. synthi-caff
10. caffa 28. gfi 46. koffee 64. tah
11. caffe 29. graff 47. kola potion 65. tanna
12. caf tea 30. hot brown morning potion 48. kopi 66. uffa
13. caffeine solution 31. kaf 49. maddok 67. wake-up juice
14. chark 32. kaffet 50. malak 68. xfy
15. chelan 33. kaffy 51. ootai 69. xioc
16. cherrybean tea 34. kamra 52. ostumo 70. zing
17. chi-caf 35. kav 53. qahwah
18. chofiy 36. kava 54. quaffy

Or maybe you want a drink that sounds plausible. Table 3 lists some ingredients that have been used in real-life coffee substitutes. These are typically toasted, roasted, scorched, burnt, or malted to increase depth of flavor and color, and have been used either to stretch supplies of actual coffee or as drinks in their own right. Roll 1-5 d30 to get a distinct brew.

Table 3: Coffee substitutes from our Earth

1. acorn 11. chicory root 21. rye
2. almond 12. cottonseed 22. sassafrass pit
3. barley 13. dandelion root 23. soybean
4. bay laurel seed 14. lupine seed 24. spices
5. beechnut 15. maize 25. sugar beetroot
6. black locust seed 16. molasses 26. sweet potato
7. bread 17. okra seed 27. walnut
8. brown rice 18. pea 28. wheat
9. carrot 19. persimmon seed 29. wheat bran
10. chickpea 20. potato peel 30. yaupon holly






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